Heresy

I remember when I was a very young child I met an Iranian family, the father of the family was an exuberant character and got on great with my own Dad. The thing that really struck me about the family is how they would unquestionably do anything for the people they respected, it went far beyond any simple level of generosity I have seen in any British or American family, the way they would selflessly treat the people they respect like they are the closest members of their own family really stuck with me, and since then I have always tried to emulate that.
I can't claim to be anything like they were, but I have occasionally made sure my friends were aware that I absolutely had their backs whenever they needed it, I even had to support those words with actions a couple of times before I moved to Stanborough school.
I think I realize now that my downfall has often been forgetting that other people don't feel the same way, to many friendship is a fickle and disposable thing, something you employ with a lot of people only when you want something from them, something you act to their face while you make snide remarks behind their back. And I am thinking of specific people when I say that, fortunately most of them have gone to uni and are no longer in contact, yet I still have to remind myself that some people are just straight up assholes whose words hold as much weight as a sinking ship. Of course I'm not perfect, but I've always been up front about my opinions and let people know exactly where I stand.
I feel like honour is looked at as an old fashioned concept, with trust and respect thrown around so much they hold very little meaning anymore. But they're just as important as they always have been, and people quickly gain my respect when I see that they hold similar values.
I still feel that way with the people I respect, that I've got their back and would be there for them when they need it, not that they particularly need to know it until the times comes. But I could count the people I truly trust on one hand, with room to spare, and that's the unfortunate thing.
Edit: Thinking about it, I believe that not only do they all read my blog, but are the only people that do, thankfully. Thanks guys.

Anyway, work today was manageable. I was working for the first time with Gareth today, for the most part is was just us and I quite enjoyed his company. He is a complete geezer, so much so that he has actually served two prison terms, one for beating someone up, but I found myself happily chatting and getting on rather well with him towards the end of the day. It was the first time I've really been able to happily relax and smile for a long time as we sat having a brew in someone's garden, him telling me why women are no good with stories of his ex-wife's treachery. I could happily talk to him about the crap I went through because he knew none of the background to it, so I think I'm starting to get over Nicola alright. Even though I'd take her back in a shot, at least I can talk about her without feeling like shit. But that's just one of my many, many stupid problems I obsess over, so I'm not out of the woods yet.
I think most of my relatively good mood today was from having a chat and catching up with a couple of people last night, which I found rather enjoyable, alleviating a bit of stress. One person's apparent concern in particular made me feel a lot better, but through association with someone else I don't feel I can trust her at all, so after a bit of debate I decided I'd keep that to myself.
If someone in the street gave me crap I'd still flip out, scratch their eyes out and use their desecrated body to build a chaotic demon of flesh and steel to lay waste to the cities of mankind, with which I would add to my immortal festering army of undead wretches with each new conquest, eventually creating such a testament to Khorne that it would bring about the end of all existence in this universe. But at least now I wouldn't particularly enjoy it.