I have the rest already~

I cleaned the windows of the dirtiest house I have ever seen in my entire life yesterday, inside and out, it was like something out of a horror movie. Kage said they were the dirtiest windows he had ever cleaned, and he's been doing the job for six years, they actually reckon none of the windows had been touched in at least 20 years.
This was a level of unclean you had to see to behold, this was no simple dirt that you would be familiar with. If you were to throw a bucket of mud at a window it wouldn't be anywhere near as dirty as the windows we had to clean, a layer of mud can just been wiped off, but these windows had decades of grime, grease and dust building up on top of eachother, compacting down and solidifying itself for longer than I've been alive. Even after going over the same pane a third time the water would still ooze off it completely black, it made me appreciate every other window I clean for the incredible level of immaculacy that they all hold.

Outside of work I've been looking at joining the TA again, but won't be seriously thinking about it until I've got my licence and sorted out if I'm buying a car or not. Hopefully I'll be motivated to make this endeavor go a little bit better than the last three failed attempts, even though two of those weren't my fault. I am especially committed this time as I don't give a damn about anyone or anything in my life aside from driving, with no distractions I just want to do it and occupy myself completely with it.

In other free time distractions I briefly contemplated the purchase of the 360 Arcade game Triggerheart Exelica. I feel the same inexplicable attraction to vertical scrolling shooters as the next otaku, but the problem is that I'm simply terrible at them. I tried the demo and quite enjoyed it, I would've bought it straight away if it wasn't for the crippling anchor system.
The anchor attack grabs enemy ships and allows you to spin them around and throw them across the screen, this removes most of the shooting and dodging that genre defining games like Touhou have become cult classics because of. I think that damn anchor alone made the crucial difference in this sale.

If I thought Initial D Eurobeat was fantastic music to start with, I didn't truly understand how good it really is. I have a favorite selection from the three main Initial D D Selection albums copied onto my iPod and these are pretty much the only tracks I ever listen to, but to mix it up a bit yesterday I put on some of the tracks I don't really listen to, and some that I had never even heard once before, it absolutely cheered me up to the maximum. Spark in the Dark, My Only Star, Love & Money, Lost into the Night, I can sit back and sing along to these tunes at the top of my voice for hours, they're simply such fantastic songs. I had two lines from Za-Za - Love & Money stuck in my head today, I don't know the song well enough to remember the rest of it so I just had that short snippet going round in my head all through work, and because it's not in my favorite selection yet I didn't have it on my iPod to listen to, making it incredibly frustrating in a strangely good way.
They're such great songs though, I can't wait to have my licence and be able to drive places singing along to them as loud as I can, the simple thought of that is the blissful dream that gets me through the degradation each day provides me.

Dead Men

I sat down to The Place Promised in Our Early Days yesterday, not expecting greats things after the last disappointment, but I was far more than pleasantly surprised. The artistry and direction was almost as perfect as 5 Centimetres Per Second, but where it really came out on top was the story, exactly what 5 Centimetres was lacking. It now definitively holds a position as one of my favorite anime films, it certainly wasn't as epic as anything like Akira or Ghost in the Shell, but it was so brilliantly faultless in every respect that I can't see why anyone wouldn't enjoy it. Definitely a title I'd think of showing anyone that hasn't seen any anime before, and by anime I don't mean Pokemon and Dragon Ball Z.

Today I've been playing Kane & Lynch, borrowed from my brother. It's alright, definitely a very borrowable game, not something I'd pay for but I'm enjoying it enough. The main problem -which you will see from watching any video of the game- is the desperately bland level design and very unsatisfying physics. On top of that the entire game (of which I have completed two thirds of on the hardest setting since getting home from work today) basically consists of running places and shooting people. Its saving grace is the direction, fantastically scripted and excellently acted it keeps you interested on the constantly moving story. I'll be done with it in the next couple of days though.
What I'm really interested in getting is the Orange Box for 360. Even though I do of course have it on the PC, I just want to play it again, which will be about my sixth run through for Half-Life 2. I would also quite like to have the completionist nature with which I played it on the PC recorded with achievements, and I'm sure I'd play Team Fortress 2 a lot more online on the 360. I don't regret getting it for PC at all though, not one bit, as such a glorious game as Half-Life unquestionably needs to be played with a keyboard and mouse first time through. But as I do have it already I don't particularly want to pay over £15 for it on eBay, as the cheapest I could get it new for is £32. Most of them seem to be going for £20, but if I persevere I should get lucky sooner or later.
Added bonus that I'll be able to lend it to Bertie and Andrew, finally getting those knuckle heads to see what they've been missing out on.

I found myself in a severely annoying situation last night with my mother. I told her that I was thinking about buying some wheels and she took it very badly, going off on how it was the most 'foolish' thing I could possibly do. She started going on about how I couldn't possibly pay for it, when I am working five days a week. The most ridiculous thing is how she can't even begin to understand why I would possibly want a car, all she sees cars as are an unfortunately necessary tool you use to get from A to B, she can't even begin to comprehend that I actually have an interest in cars, driving and motorsports as something that entertains me.
She also doesn't understand the freedom it would give me. All the things I want to do this year need a car to get me there, not to mention that all the little things that my friends have been doing for years and take for granted are still completely out of my reach purely because I don't have my own car. It's definitely not something that can be explained to her logically, if she doesn't even begin to understand any possible reason why I would benefit from owning car under her own steam, logical explanation certainly isn't going to do anything for her.
One of the main reasons I don't think she can understand is because she never experienced it. When she was my age she would never have even considered owning a car, and by the time she could drive and did buy a car she was already married and settled down.
But it doesn't matter in the end, as she rightly said "I can't stop you." And then she had the audacity to say "It's up to you to make your own mistakes." which actually scared me. Honest to god I am actually scared that she is quite seriously that stupid to make such an absurdly retarded comment such as that, it just highlights how she has no fucking clue what I would gain from it.
It's shit I just don't need really. Just as I was beginning to cheer up and get excited about passing my theory and going off to do the intensive course she's gotta be a massive lulz killer and bring me right back down. Fucking annoying.

A blog post

I watched Voices of a Distant Star last night, and it wasn't all that great. Everything was well drawn and animated apart from the characters, who looked incredibly amateur. I almost ditched it alltogether after two minutes, but as it was only twenty five minutes long I decided to sit it out. It was alright, but I won't be going back to it any time soon. Or ever.

I also downloaded the first episode of the Japanese drama Akihabara@DEEP and sat down to that yesterday. It sounded good on paper, following the adventures of a bunch of otaku in Akiba. But it was so desperately over the top that it was rather painful to watch, but as it's so lauded I've decided to stick with it and see where it goes, hopefully it at least doesn't get any worse, not that I actually think that's possible.

At least my driving lesson today was shit hot, I drove like a god damn... person with a driving licence. I was matching the revs bang on with every gear change and pulling away at the busiest of roundabouts beautifully, the whole drive was brilliantly smooth and controlled. With that sorted out I'm totally prepared to piss off to this intensive course in Blackpool as soon as I've passed my theory.
Those five days away is the oasis in the desert that is my calendar. Occupied all day with driving, with nothing but the beach and a book to distract me in the evening, it sounds like absolute bliss.

Everyone sulks

I got Burnout on Thursday, he had sent it out next day delivery which was rather nice of him, and that's taken up all of my free time since then. After getting back from work on Thursday I spent up until dinner doing two player challenges with Falco, and after dinner 'till about 10pm doing three player challenges with the addition of Nimmo, it was fantastic.
Yesterday we finished off the last of the challenges before I headed off to my brother's place for the weekly bud club. Lost was its usual self, the rest of the time was just spent hanging out, which was cool. When I got home it was about 11, I was so tired I just wanted to crash out, but once I hooked my Xbox back up I ended up playing Burnout again 'till about 3am.
Today I've been playing it almost non-stop since I got up, setting times on every single street and unlocking as many cars as I can.

I stopped about an hour ago to play CoD with the guys, with the unusual presence of Swifty, home from uni. Half way through I decided to take the plunge and start Prestige Mode, in the first game with nothing but the default Assault class M16 I managed to get 58 kills and 18 deaths, ranking up six times in that one game alone. It isn't as bad as I thought it'd be, I might be without my favorite weapons and perks but I can clearly do a lot of damage with the other guns, and I'm living without the perks alright.

One thing that made me chuckle hard recently was Loeb on the second day of the Swedish WRC. Racing under the restart rules he could compete without having his time count towards scoring any points. He was nothing but sour and was reported to have said he'd "rather be at home", and then on the way back from a stage he was stopped for speeding, then once back at the service park he retired from the rally completely until Mexico. Boo-hoo for the world champion.

Unaddressed text messages

I finished watching 5 Centimetres Per Second last night, brilliant stuff. The second part was just as good as the first, but the third was a bit vague and spent most of it showing clips of the main characters doing stuff with a song playing over the top. Granted the song wasn't bad, but it felt like a bit of a let down after the fantastic first two parts.
I looked up the director -Makoto Shinkai- to see if he had any other good stuff and found two previous works listed, artwork from latter of which coincidentally serves as my current wallpaper, downloaded both on the phat pipe and will watch them soon.

I watched Once Upon a Time in Mexico today, which is truly a film from a better era. It has some of the best action scenes I've seen in a long time, good classic shooting people and jumping over stuff, none of this special effects showcasing you get with modern films like Die Hard 4. And while it is an action film it still has a lot of decent comedy without becoming slapstick and stupid.
The leading Antonio Banderas puts on a rather uninspired performance, but Johnny Depp picks it up brilliantly and keeps things going. Danny Trejo even got a chuckle once, and that lurch is the last person in the world I would want to meet down a dark alley.

I emailed the guy I bought Burnout off of today, as I still don't have it. He sent me an indescribably poorly written email back (I mean seriously, I've seen six year olds with infinitely better English comprehension than that email displayed) telling me something about his computer not working, and that he'd send it out to me with more expensive delivery to make sure it got to me as soon as possible. If it's true and I get it by Friday I won't have to break anyone's fingers.

Heresy

I remember when I was a very young child I met an Iranian family, the father of the family was an exuberant character and got on great with my own Dad. The thing that really struck me about the family is how they would unquestionably do anything for the people they respected, it went far beyond any simple level of generosity I have seen in any British or American family, the way they would selflessly treat the people they respect like they are the closest members of their own family really stuck with me, and since then I have always tried to emulate that.
I can't claim to be anything like they were, but I have occasionally made sure my friends were aware that I absolutely had their backs whenever they needed it, I even had to support those words with actions a couple of times before I moved to Stanborough school.
I think I realize now that my downfall has often been forgetting that other people don't feel the same way, to many friendship is a fickle and disposable thing, something you employ with a lot of people only when you want something from them, something you act to their face while you make snide remarks behind their back. And I am thinking of specific people when I say that, fortunately most of them have gone to uni and are no longer in contact, yet I still have to remind myself that some people are just straight up assholes whose words hold as much weight as a sinking ship. Of course I'm not perfect, but I've always been up front about my opinions and let people know exactly where I stand.
I feel like honour is looked at as an old fashioned concept, with trust and respect thrown around so much they hold very little meaning anymore. But they're just as important as they always have been, and people quickly gain my respect when I see that they hold similar values.
I still feel that way with the people I respect, that I've got their back and would be there for them when they need it, not that they particularly need to know it until the times comes. But I could count the people I truly trust on one hand, with room to spare, and that's the unfortunate thing.
Edit: Thinking about it, I believe that not only do they all read my blog, but are the only people that do, thankfully. Thanks guys.

Anyway, work today was manageable. I was working for the first time with Gareth today, for the most part is was just us and I quite enjoyed his company. He is a complete geezer, so much so that he has actually served two prison terms, one for beating someone up, but I found myself happily chatting and getting on rather well with him towards the end of the day. It was the first time I've really been able to happily relax and smile for a long time as we sat having a brew in someone's garden, him telling me why women are no good with stories of his ex-wife's treachery. I could happily talk to him about the crap I went through because he knew none of the background to it, so I think I'm starting to get over Nicola alright. Even though I'd take her back in a shot, at least I can talk about her without feeling like shit. But that's just one of my many, many stupid problems I obsess over, so I'm not out of the woods yet.
I think most of my relatively good mood today was from having a chat and catching up with a couple of people last night, which I found rather enjoyable, alleviating a bit of stress. One person's apparent concern in particular made me feel a lot better, but through association with someone else I don't feel I can trust her at all, so after a bit of debate I decided I'd keep that to myself.
If someone in the street gave me crap I'd still flip out, scratch their eyes out and use their desecrated body to build a chaotic demon of flesh and steel to lay waste to the cities of mankind, with which I would add to my immortal festering army of undead wretches with each new conquest, eventually creating such a testament to Khorne that it would bring about the end of all existence in this universe. But at least now I wouldn't particularly enjoy it.

And torn up letters

I got around to watching the first day of the Swedish WRC stage today. Being the only snow stage this year it was set to be an interesting watch from the word go, it supported that by retiring champion Loeb into a snow drift and giving Latvala first place with a 48 second lead on Hirvonen in second. The day ended with the top four positions filled with Focuses, with five in the top eight overall. Just have to hope that the BP Ford team managed to keep those top two positions through Saturday and Sunday.

I finished watching Planetes today, it was a good series with a satisfying ending. Some of the characters grated on my nerves a bit but overall it was enjoyable.

Last night I watched the first part of the three part film 5 Centimetres Per Second, it is a truly amazing film that flawlessly reminds me why I like anime. The artistry and animation is on such a level of perfection that you could pause it at just about any random moment and be left with a fantastic piece of art, it is simply such a beautiful thing to watch that it completely revises your standards for all film making.
The story is so far a very by the books romance, but while it was unoriginal it did it in such a way that you couldn't really criticize it for doing anything wrong. The excellent voice acting gave it that absolutely necessary element of brilliance that made the entire thing an instant classic. It certainly was a tear jerker and had me welling up a couple of times, exactly the sort of thing I wanted to see and I am eagerly anticipating the second part tonight.

I think it was Nicola's final chapter today. I tried to call her just to chat and see how her day has been but she refuses to talk to me through anything but msn, and I am not going to lower our relationship to that of a twelve year olds. In her text messages she really is adamant that it is completely over, all because of her distressingly naive ideas about how relationships work.
It's hard to talk about her without using the phrase 'cold hearted bitch', because I love her to bits and would do anything for her even now after she broke my heart, but when you care about someone that much and they won't even talk to you with the slightest ounce of maturity on the god damn phone about what they've been up to, it kind of tests your faith. And how absurdly reminiscent that is.
So that's that, once again I get fucked over for trusting someone. It took a good long while for me to let my guard down, but once I did she swooped down and cut me in the face with no remorse. Reminding me once again that intentionally or unintentionally, everyone you ever meet can and will stab you in the back.

Sick days

I got a text from Nicola yesterday stating that she does in fact still care about me and is sorry 'things didn't work out', I inquired as to what the god damn problem was if she does want to be with me. It turns out she seems to think she can't be in a relationship and have an education at the same time, which is of course absolutely flat out wrong. Trying to convince her otherwise was an incredibly frustrating uphill struggle that proved to be an exercise in futility.

ANYWAY.
I booked my theory test not long ago too. The morning of the day I did it I had a look online and saw tests available next Tuesday and the Tuesday after that, I couldn't book either of them at the time however as I needed my mother's Visa to pay for it. Looking again later that day with card in hand I found both of those tests had been taken and now I have to wait until the 6th of March for my test, which is slightly irksome.

I started chatting yesterday to some online chick I met in a roundabout fashion through 4chan and whom lives not so far away in Colchester, she has a pretty cool taste in anime and studies English in 6th form, but the really crazy thing about it is that she and her friends made a load of Gurren Dan flags and just so happened to be right near us in the queue at MCM. What a coincidence.
She linked me to a list of stuff she'd seen, which prompted me to make My own Anime List. I know I'm missing a few things but most of the stuff's there, and it's quite shocking to see just how much stuff I've actually sat through.

Just before writing this I won a bid on Burnout for £26, just as I was beginning to lose patience and start thinking about buying it from a retailer. The p&p's a mighty £3, so I better bloody well get it on Monday.

To one and all

Have a happy fucking Valentines Day.

What is your profession?

Been ill off work the last couple of days, watching films to pass the time.
Watched Shooter yesterday, stereotypical characters, Mark Wahlberg was alright.
Then Borat, made me laugh a few times.
Today I watched The Bourne Ultimatum, very dry and tried too hard.

I made an eBay account yesterday and started trying to get Burnout for £30, not gone too well so far as I've lost about four bids.

I missed out on Project Chanology's London protest last Sunday, and while I do have a dismissive nature for nonviolent protests -as in this day and age they do absolutely nothing- I will be going to the next one on March 15th, just for what looks like a rather fun Anonymous gathering.