Day 101

Birthday yesterday.
Got a bunch of books that I asked for and a new 500GB SATA hard drive.
I'll probably be spending this extended weekend setting up a new system. I'll plug the hard drive I'm using now into my old computer (which is just without a disc drive, keyboard and mouse), plug the new one into this computer, and spend the silly amount of time it takes to install Windows and all the other shit I need.

I was going to go into a long 19 years old speech, sharing all my thoughts on my past, present and future. But today I found out that Nicola's seeing some 21 year old dude.
I don't really need to explain how that is affecting me, so I'll just go onto the next bit:
She then comes online and starts giving me shit, just like on Sunday, thankfully I've got more than a 160 per text message word limit and can say everything I want to. I manage to convey just how I've felt over the last few days and weeks, because of what she said on Sunday and after we broke up. It turns out she seems to think that I wasn't talking to her because I'd moved on, which of course couldn't be further from the truth. I think I've managed to get on good terms with her, which is at least a good thing, but she still seems rather prone to lashing out at me, which cuts through me like a god damned guillotine every time she does.
The worst part is that now I have some hope. Even while I am absurdly aware of the fact she's seeing some 21 year old guy and I basically know this is going to end with nothing other than more heartbreak for me, I still have a tiny, minute, minuscule and pitiful shimmer of hope burning away in the bombed out ruins of what was once the optimism district. Because of that I don't doubt that how ever ridiculously, she (and he) will dominate my mind all that much more, and when it comes to the showdown it just means all that much more torment for me.